October 13, 2009
I’m a single white female who’s decided to stop watching television altogether to see what impact it will have on my life. I recently realized I had a problem when my cable was disconnected due to lack of payment (ouch, thought I had a few more days to pay that) and it totally affected my life. Anyway, it turns out that maybe it was exactly what I needed.
December 7, 2009
At first it was very hard to be without my tv. Then once I started renting movies I felt better. But it was costing a lot of money because I started replacing my tv watching time with movie watching time. I was renting 4-6 movies a day 3-4 days a week. Now I realize this whole thing is really about denial and avoidance.
I have become way too closed off and shelter myself most of the time within my four walls. Now that I am aware, I am trying to rent fewer movies. My goal with the project was to take all the wasted time I was spending watching tv and put it to better use. Mainly, my film projects. Today I did better because it was the 63rd anniversary of a disaster I am making a documentary about and it got me ramped up again. But if I had been spending my time more wisely this past month, I would have been ready with a finished web site and some press materials of my own, considering several newspapers around the country covered the story, but instead had nothing. Another missed opportunity.
I’m going to try very hard over the next few weeks to really concentrate and get back on track.
November 28, 2009
If you read my older posts you will see that initially I was quite freaked out over losing my tv. But now it’s become just a part of life and to be honest, I don’t really think about it that often. That’s why you haven’t heard from me. It just didn’t seem that interesting to blog everyday with entries like “nothing new to say”, “haven’t thought about it” etc. LOL
But the truth is, it’s not that hard to live without tv. You just have to adjust. Initially I was renting every frickin movie on the shelves at BB. But now it’s hard to find the time to watch them (Val Kilmer and Cuba Gooding, Jr must be really bored these days LOL). While I haven’t solved global warming, or even made any hugely dramatic changes in my own life, it is a different lifestyle. I’m mostly gravitating towards playing card games online now to fill the extra time, but even that, I can only do so much of. And it’s still more intellectually challenging than watching “New York Goes To Work”.
I do find that I miss out on certain conversations lately, and I do so miss my three amigos. Good times. Hopefully I will continue to be more and more productive as I adjust. Happy Thanksgiving!
November 5, 2009
Well things are really looking up! I just optioned the script! Yay! It’s a “Shallow Hal/Wedding Planner” kind of thing and I think it really has potential. It’s a little too short (70pgs) and needs a little tweaking of the two main characters, but it’s a great concept and is well written. If we can attract the right stars it could be a studio picture.
The writer seems to agree with my notes and is excited to take on the re-write well. That’s always a good start. He gave me a free short-term option in lieu of my notes and helping him re-craft the script. A fair trade, I think. I’m excited about it.
Also my other project, the Christmas script, just attracted a well known character actor as the lead and we’ll be taking him to lunch next week. Sweet.
The strap on my rollerblades broke this morning half way into my route. I had to walk two and a half miles back to the Santa Monica pier, wearing only socks. Damn, my feet hurt and it took forever!
I haven’t been blogging every day because, quite frankly, I haven’t been thinking about tv very much at all. Yes, I’ve been renting an ass load of movies, but since movies are the business I’m in, it’s turned out to be very beneficial. It cost me a bit too much, but my addiction demanded that SOMETHING come out of that little black box! Anyway, it’s refueled my love of cinema and now I’m back in the saddle again with some of my feature film projects.
I’ve started reading scripts again and realize I have a few gems sitting in my inbox. It’s been way too long, I really need to stay on top of things. I had over 150 scripts waiting to be read. Yikes! That’s what I get for procrastinating. One of them’s already been made. Damn. No more tv, a little less movie watching and more movie reading! LOL Also, I need to allot some time to get back to editing my documentary projects. More on those later.
As a matter of fact I have to go now because I have a 4:30p phone meeting with a writer in Florida who sent me the cutest little movie script. I’ll tell you more about it later tonight.
October 26, 2009
Let’s just call this “week two” because I’ve been away for a while. I’m sorry to say that my addiction to tv shows has been replaced with movies. Blockbuster is running a special through the holidays where if you rent 3 movies you get a popcorn, two drinks and two boxes of candy all for around $15.
I hate to say it but I’ve been going there every day. I still feel like I have to fill up that little black box with “something”. The house is still so lonely and empty and I just haven’t been able to muster up the balls to do other things. It’s so ingrained in me that I just want to sit in front of the tv and watch stuff. It’s really bad.
Hopefully, after seeing enough movies I’ll get past it, but it won’t be easy.
October 19, 2009
There isn’t much I can say about today. It was pretty productive and I’m still feeling great. I’m thinking that this was a really good idea and I wish I had done it sooner. I just hope it lasts and that I don’t have any more meltdowns.
Night time is approaching however and I think I’m going to have to rent a few more movies. I’m still not sure what to do with myself sometimes at night. I have some plans later in the week but tonight there’s nothing going on. I’m afraid it might be a tough night to get through if I don’t find some things to fill the time with. Perhaps I’ll watch a movie and then read. I’m feeling kind of tired, so going out isn’t really an option.
October 18, 2009
I got a lot done today, even though I went to bed late and got up at noon. It’s almost 8:00p now and I think I can fill the rest of the night with things to do. I have one more movie to watch from BB and then I’ll probably try and get to bed early as there are a lot of things I want to accomplish tomorrow.
I’ll be honest, I was really starting to think that drinking, partying and playing poker were the biggest deterrents and problem areas in my life (and trust me, I will be addressing them soon), but I am absolutely blown away with how much I am accomplishing and how much more whole and worthy I already feel without my television. My fearlessness is starting to return and it feels great.
So great in fact that I don’t want to discuss some of the things I was going to talk about tonight. But soon I would like to share some very personal and very painful details about my life that will hopefully explain why only a few months ago I almost committed suicide.
You can’t understand where I’m trying to go…until you know where I’ve been.
Well, I am very glad I went to the seminar. It was very long (8 hours) and they didn’t even provide us with water or adequate breaks. I’ve never seen anything like that before. Anyway, like I suspected, I already know most of the material but there were a few gems and it made me feel good about how much I know. Also, the instructor told us that he knows of some viable avenues for documentary funding, so I’ll definitely follow up on that as two of my three docs need finishing funds.
Afterward I went to a home game to see Steve (my ex boyfriend) and hung out for a while. I had passed by the Hollywood Strip on my way there and was excited by all the action and wanted to come back.
I played a few hands of cash while Steve finished up his tourney. When he was done he came to the table and bought in. But I said, “Hey, wanna get out of here?” He said “yes” and for the first time in four years I got up from the table voluntarily…and with money and left in the middle of a game to go do something else. Now that’s progress! (If you knew me, you’d understand what a big step that is! LOL)
We walked the strip, had a great dinner and came home and watched “The Proposal” on DVD. It was so formulaic that Steve swore all night he had seen it before. A year ago. LOL
October 17, 2009
Late yesterday I found out about a film production seminar that’s happening today. I had to think about it a bit because it’s not free. But I figure this is a good first step toward staying focused and getting my film career back on track.
I think I might know most of the material because it sounds like a fairly basic class. But hopefully I’ll be surprised. When I first moved to LA nine years ago I would attend every seminar, class, workshop, screening, anything where I could learn, get inspired and meet other filmmakers. I would always take away something positive from every event.
The last four or five years have been particularly hard on me however and I stopped putting myself out there. And that has contributed a great deal to my depression. So I’m excited about today’s event and I’m sure it will be worth the effort. See? I’m already filling my wasted tv time with productive things. Yay!
October 16, 2009
Aside from my baby meltdown at the sandwich shop, I have been feeling amazing today. I was recently hired to produce a short film for a guy I had interviewed for a documentary (long stories on all of that, I’m sure we’ll get to it).
We had a production meeting via the telephone today and it went really well. Got me pumped up. It reminded me that I am smart and do have a lot to offer. One of the reasons I have been shutting myself off, self-destructing and hiding behind the bottle and the tv, is I’ve lost a great of confidence in myself. The entertainment industry is known to chew you up and spit you out. It’s fed on me for quite some time.
You have to have a very thick skin out here in LA and I’ve had a hard time building myself up. So even though there is very little upfront money, I need this film project and I need to feel valuable again. Staying focused and motivated has been one of my biggest challenges in the last few years.
That’s one of the biggest reasons this experiment is so important to me. I have to stop getting distracted and focus, or I’ll never get out of the mess I’ve gotten myself into. I will eventually tell you all about it, but there just might not be enough cyberspace to hold all the mistakes I’ve made.
Anyway, even though money is tight and there are some bills I need to pay, there is a production seminar tomorrow and I signed up for it. It’s not that much money and I think it will do wonders to help me stay on the right track and finally get serious about the things I want in life. It’s pretty basic and I probably know most of the material as I have been producing for years, but I always benefit in some way from these things, even if it’s networking.