October 14, 2009

7. My first anxiety attack of the day.

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:04 pm by dawnfields310

I managed to stay busy or sleep (although that wasn’t planned) for most of the day, but now I’m feeling anxious and lost.  This is the time of night that always gets me into trouble: after 7:00p.  I don’t feel well enough to go out and it’s way to early to go to bed.  This is the time when normally the tv would be my best friend and my healer.

Typically at this time I would make dinner, turn on the tv and drink wine all night until falling asleep somewhere around 1:00a.  But my little black box friend is gone.  I’m realizing for the first time how lonely and isolated I’ve let my life become.  Even when my boyfriends would come over we would eat, drink and watch tv all night. And I just didn’t see how destructive it was.  And what a waste of time.

I feel like I don’t know what to do with myself and it’s unnerving.  Thankfully I picked up a couple movies at BB tonight and although it felt like I was cheating at first, I’m really glad I did now.  I’ll try reading another night when I feel better.  But most of all I look forward to going out and being more social soon because I really miss that.  I used to be quite the social butterfly.  🙂

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