October 15, 2009

11. The toughest day yet.

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:59 pm by dawnfields310

I’ve been working on the blog most of the day, keeping myself busy.  Mostly writing and re-writing then changing it back.  I’m over thinking everything now.  At one point when I thought I was done for the night I stood up and went into my quiet and somber living room to find nothing.

I’ve never felt so alone.  I don’t even feel like myself anymore.  I thought that the tv was responsible for making me the recluse that I had become.  But now that it’s gone I feel completely and utterly alone.  It’s like, “where’d everybody go?”  Now I don’t even have the old comfortable friends I used to have.  What have I done?  I questioned everything and started thinking, “I can’t do this.”  The cable boxes are still here and all my old friends are just a click away…

I went to the store and then for a long walk.  That just made it worse.  I’ve never felt like this before.  It’s like everything I’ve ever known has been yanked away and replaced with nothing.  There’s not even anyone reading this blog.


1 Comment »

  1. dan said,

    Your experience so far is so familiar. The quiet and empty house. The realization that there is now so much time to fill. The inkling (or remembering) that conversations and time with friends might be much more fulfilling that the social company that tv is providing – and yet this inkling doesn’t exactly come with its own momentum for reestablishing a social life.

    Myself, I’m finding that weeks and months infront of tv has it’s own anti-momentum. It sort of deadens my soul, and makes me feel less like calling friends, answering the phone, making plans to go out.

    My guess is that exercise, walking, some kind of sport if I can find the right one, will counter this effect somewhat.

    As for filling days, that is going to be the primary initial challenge. I’m guessing that successfully detaching from tv means finding a lot of other things to do, that are doable, are somewhat enjoyable, lead to positive momentum, encourage socializing, …..

    So that’s how I’m going to look at this first week – conceiving of a good list of other things to do.

    (I know I’m a couple of months late to the party, but, there is someone reading this blog.)

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