October 16, 2009

13. DAY FOUR: It’s like they’re selling me crack.

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:32 am by dawnfields310

Okay, so today I finally decided to take the big plunge and make this official. I called Dish to come pick up the equipment.  Once they do, it’s really over. The conversation went something like this:

Flunky #1: Operator 216, how may I help you?

Addict (me): Yes, I’d like to disconnect my service and have you come pick up the equipment.

F:  (sounding surprised) Really?  Ma’am what seems to the problem out there?

A: Um…well, actually, I’ve decided to stop watching television.

Silence.  Like he’s never heard this one before.

F: Uh, was there something wrong with the service?

A:  Well…yes, but I guess it doesn’t matter now, I can’t afford it anyway.

Silence.

F: Well Ma’am you know we have several different packages and maybe we can get you on a different plan.

A:  (swallowing hard) No, that’s okay, I think I’d just like to have it gone.

F:  We see you’ve been a great customer for over six years, are you sure there’s nothing we can do for you?  We hate to lose you as a valued customer.

A:  I’m sure, but thank you for asking.  (sigh)

F: (thinks for a moment)  May I put you on hold?

I am imagining sirens and red lights as he pushes a big red button, “We’ve got a live one!”  A  few minutes later his supervisor (aka the Head of Sales) gets on the phone. He’s brought in the big guns.

HOS:  Hello, Ma’am this is Nina, how may I assist you today?

A: (taking a different approach) Well I haven’t really been happy with the service.  I can’t record more than two shows at a time and can’t watch and record at the same time.  Plus (thrown in for good measure) I can’t afford it anymore.

HOS: Well ma’am I see here that the receiver you have is quite outdated.  We have newer systems that can record 2 shows at once and you can watch and record at the same time.  Would you like to me to set you up with that?

A: (palms sweating, head spinning.  I didn’t dare tell her it’s been my lifelong dream to watch and record)  Ummmm.   (literally speachless)  I don’t think….

HOS:  I’ll be happy to discount that package $20 a month for you if that will help.

Oh she’s good.  Long silence.

A: (spinning head finally stopping) That’s okay I think I’ll just have you guys come and get it.

HOS:  Well Ma’am I see you’ve been a valued customer for over six years, we’d hate to lose you, is there some kind of plan we can get you on today?

Are you serious?

A: I don’t think so.  I would like for to you just come and get it.

HOS:  Alright, Ma’am hold just a moment.

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