October 16, 2009

16. Flashing backward.

Posted in Uncategorized at 2:24 pm by dawnfields310

Okay, so going out of my way to see FF is not such a good idea.  I mean the only thing worse than watching an hour of television is watching an hour of television and driving an hour and half to get there.

I mean one of the objectives here is to resist the urge to follow the shows, right?Arggg.  Although it’s killing me that I won’t know if Antonio Sabato, Jr. picks Brooke or Miranda. Oy!  Thank goodness I’m making an attempt to get a life.

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15. Feeling better.

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:25 pm by dawnfields310

Went to Quiznos.  Burst into tears at the counter.  I had on sunglasses so the cashier didn’t notice.  I pulled it together and pushed on.  Bought a new pair of pants and was excited until I got home to find that they’re too short.  Oh well.  Just venting now.

I’ve been busy in the office for the last 3 hours and haven’t thought about the tv once.  Yay!  Until now.  Damn.   Now I’m thinking about it.  But you know what, I got a lot done and I feel focused.  Days aren’t really that bad, it’s the night time that gets tough.  But I have plenty to do and some plans tonight so I’m anticipating a drama free day.  We’ll see.

Damn, I just realized I missed Flash Forward last night.  I think my friend recorded it though.  Might be time to drop by for a friendly visit.  hehe  Hey, I didn’t say I’d never watch tv again.  I just can’t have it in my house.

14. I feel like a complete loser.

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:36 am by dawnfields310

It just hit me what a loser I am.  I should be able to afford frickin’ cable, for Christ sake.  I’m a grown woman.  Pathetic.  Also, why can’t I control my urges?  Why can’t I be a normal person and monitor my viewing?  If it weren’t for this experiment I think I’d just go shoot myself.  I feel physically sick.

And I thought it would be easy, that they would just come get all the stuff.  But no.  She’s sending me a bunch of boxes and I have to do it myself.  Three receivers and a big ol satellite dish.  That’s going to be a fun day.

I have to get out of here.  Go take a walk or something.

13. DAY FOUR: It’s like they’re selling me crack.

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:32 am by dawnfields310

Okay, so today I finally decided to take the big plunge and make this official. I called Dish to come pick up the equipment.  Once they do, it’s really over. The conversation went something like this:

Flunky #1: Operator 216, how may I help you?

Addict (me): Yes, I’d like to disconnect my service and have you come pick up the equipment.

F:  (sounding surprised) Really?  Ma’am what seems to the problem out there?

A: Um…well, actually, I’ve decided to stop watching television.

Silence.  Like he’s never heard this one before.

F: Uh, was there something wrong with the service?

A:  Well…yes, but I guess it doesn’t matter now, I can’t afford it anyway.

Silence.

F: Well Ma’am you know we have several different packages and maybe we can get you on a different plan.

A:  (swallowing hard) No, that’s okay, I think I’d just like to have it gone.

F:  We see you’ve been a great customer for over six years, are you sure there’s nothing we can do for you?  We hate to lose you as a valued customer.

A:  I’m sure, but thank you for asking.  (sigh)

F: (thinks for a moment)  May I put you on hold?

I am imagining sirens and red lights as he pushes a big red button, “We’ve got a live one!”  A  few minutes later his supervisor (aka the Head of Sales) gets on the phone. He’s brought in the big guns.

HOS:  Hello, Ma’am this is Nina, how may I assist you today?

A: (taking a different approach) Well I haven’t really been happy with the service.  I can’t record more than two shows at a time and can’t watch and record at the same time.  Plus (thrown in for good measure) I can’t afford it anymore.

HOS: Well ma’am I see here that the receiver you have is quite outdated.  We have newer systems that can record 2 shows at once and you can watch and record at the same time.  Would you like to me to set you up with that?

A: (palms sweating, head spinning.  I didn’t dare tell her it’s been my lifelong dream to watch and record)  Ummmm.   (literally speachless)  I don’t think….

HOS:  I’ll be happy to discount that package $20 a month for you if that will help.

Oh she’s good.  Long silence.

A: (spinning head finally stopping) That’s okay I think I’ll just have you guys come and get it.

HOS:  Well Ma’am I see you’ve been a valued customer for over six years, we’d hate to lose you, is there some kind of plan we can get you on today?

Are you serious?

A: I don’t think so.  I would like for to you just come and get it.

HOS:  Alright, Ma’am hold just a moment.

October 15, 2009

12. A light.

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:03 pm by dawnfields310

A friend of mine who knows about this experiment just called and asked what I had been doing all day.  When I told him I’d been working on my blog he said, “So let me get this straight.  You’re not watching television anymore but now you’re spending all that newfound time writing about not watching television?”  Touche.  I guess we both thought I would have written an novel or something by now.

But I can tell you this, talking to him made me feel better.  I felt connected to the world again.  I’m really glad he called.  And it was that very feeling which confirmed that, for me without any doubt, I’m doing the right thing. And something I very much needed to do.  How did it get this way? How is it that I’ve cut myself off from everyone I used to know and the things I loved to do, trading it all in for imaginary characters and poorly written reality shows?

11. The toughest day yet.

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:59 pm by dawnfields310

I’ve been working on the blog most of the day, keeping myself busy.  Mostly writing and re-writing then changing it back.  I’m over thinking everything now.  At one point when I thought I was done for the night I stood up and went into my quiet and somber living room to find nothing.

I’ve never felt so alone.  I don’t even feel like myself anymore.  I thought that the tv was responsible for making me the recluse that I had become.  But now that it’s gone I feel completely and utterly alone.  It’s like, “where’d everybody go?”  Now I don’t even have the old comfortable friends I used to have.  What have I done?  I questioned everything and started thinking, “I can’t do this.”  The cable boxes are still here and all my old friends are just a click away…

I went to the store and then for a long walk.  That just made it worse.  I’ve never felt like this before.  It’s like everything I’ve ever known has been yanked away and replaced with nothing.  There’s not even anyone reading this blog.

10. DAY THREE: Thinking it over.

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:52 pm by dawnfields310

I’ve spent most of the day reflecting about what this all means. I’m troubled by the amount of tv I was actually watching and even more troubled about why.  And why am I having such a visceral reaction to losing my television?

I haven’t really been successful in eradicating any other vices in my life (except smoking when I was younger-yuck) so I question how this one will be any different.  Will I simply end up replacing my tv watching with another bad habit?  Perhaps an even more dangerous one?  These are the things that scare me.  And what if I go through all this only to find that it changes nothing?  Or worse, that I can’t do it at all?

9. Assessing the damage.

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:44 pm by dawnfields310

First of all, let me start by saying I do not think that tv is inherently bad. Kind of like the saying “Guns don’t kill people…”  As a grown woman I have the option to watch or not watch (I think children are a different matter altogether, however), but no one is forcing me or even coercing me to watch.

So this is not about tv bashing.  It’s about personal accountability, responsibility and growth.  This is my issue, my weakness and my problem to solve, and I take full responsibility.

Today I sat down and actually tried to figure out how much tv I watch and how many hours I’ve spent doing it.  Oh, boy.

I’ve now calculated that, at a minimum, I record over (20) half hour sit coms, (20) half and one hour cooking shows, (10) one hour weekly dramas, (10) one hour reality shows, (5) one hour and some two hour poker shows, (20) one hour movies and specials and approx. (20) hours of live tv.  I had been watching over 107 hours of television per week.  And there are only 168 total available hours in a week and that doesn’t account for sleep.

That’s almost three times the national average and is probably still conservative for me.  I’m sickened by this.  Have you ever calculated how much tv you watch?  It’s sobering, so to speak.  And as you can see, I’m not exactly watching CSPAN, so how is this affecting my life?  It’s probably destroying it.

October 14, 2009

8. Hmmm…

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:06 pm by dawnfields310

It’s 9:00p and I’m finding it hard to concentrate on any one task.  Had dinner, ONE glass of wine (so not like me), updated my blog, did some online research then tried to watch my movie.  Now granted “The Soloist” didn’t do very well, but it appeals to me and I wanted to see it.

But I found myself squirming in my seat feeling guilty.  Why I am just sitting here once again on the couch?  It felt like the same trap.  And, I’ve been doing so many other things lately to stay busy and stimulate my mind, that I just couldn’t sit through it. That’s a good sign, right?

So I’ve taken a break from it to come say hi to you, but I guess I’ll go back and try again.  It’s too late to take on anything else.  The good news, the Sudafed helped and I feel better.

7. My first anxiety attack of the day.

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:04 pm by dawnfields310

I managed to stay busy or sleep (although that wasn’t planned) for most of the day, but now I’m feeling anxious and lost.  This is the time of night that always gets me into trouble: after 7:00p.  I don’t feel well enough to go out and it’s way to early to go to bed.  This is the time when normally the tv would be my best friend and my healer.

Typically at this time I would make dinner, turn on the tv and drink wine all night until falling asleep somewhere around 1:00a.  But my little black box friend is gone.  I’m realizing for the first time how lonely and isolated I’ve let my life become.  Even when my boyfriends would come over we would eat, drink and watch tv all night. And I just didn’t see how destructive it was.  And what a waste of time.

I feel like I don’t know what to do with myself and it’s unnerving.  Thankfully I picked up a couple movies at BB tonight and although it felt like I was cheating at first, I’m really glad I did now.  I’ll try reading another night when I feel better.  But most of all I look forward to going out and being more social soon because I really miss that.  I used to be quite the social butterfly.  🙂

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